Yesterday I was talking with my friends and the topic of chores for our children came up. Hey, this is my philosophy. If I had to do it when I was a kid, so do they. I am joking really, but my parents expected us to clean right along with them. They both worked, so this practice was the only way we ever got everything really clean. I remember Saturday morning family clean up time and I always did the bathrooms. I learned early how to do laundry. My brother and I had to do our own, and around 12 or so, started occasionally cooking family meals. The cooking thing was more because I was interested in doing it and not because I had to, but I even remember being sent to the grocery store with a list and a check to get the groceries.

I love being a “stay at home” Mom but it could be easy to fall into the trap of “Oh well, I will just do it myself. I can do it faster, and better and it is just easier.” Well easier now, will get me in a heap of trouble later. I think that is true with most things. Or even worse, the false thinking that this was my job alone. Wow - that will burn a Mom out fast. Hey people, I subscribe to the philosophy that “team work makes the dream work.” I routinely say, “I am not the servant, we are a team we do it together.” My children are now 7,5 and almost 4 and they have to strip beds, sort laundry, take their plates into the kitchen and take out the trash. My oldest is doing more advanced work like helping load and unload the dishwasher, starting the washing machine and making his own breakfast and lunch. My little girl loves to help me organize and wants to wear gloves with me when I clean the bathrooms, so I let her work next to me. Our youngest is the trash boy and although he drags it across the courtyard to get it to the trash can, I let him do it, because he is so ready to do so.

Yes, I admit, it isn’t efficient. Sometimes, it is messy. Even as we speak, I need to vacuum up laundry detergent on the hallway next to the laundry machines. BUT….it is training them in life learning. They are beginning to understand that we all work together. That they need to be responsible and lend a hand and that they can do it. It really does make them feel important and competent. I have more to say about this and will work on forming an age appropriate list that will hopefully help some new Moms starting out!

Peace to all cleaners today.

It works, trust me…just do it!

I have said before that for the last year we have consistently been taking an hour a day to have time by ourselves. Now, yesterday, Chloe asked (as I was running a bit late) Mommy is it time yet for quiet time? They all three ran up the stairs. Now Hudson is just now transitioning into the “honor and privilege” of not napping and being able to be have alone time too. I explained, with great theatrics’s, how special and grown up it was to do this and that he mustn’t bother his brother and sister because this is just their special time all to themselves. He stayed in his room working and singing away, which I must say is a huge milestone. So you see, you just keep doing things, over and over and over and in time even the strongest willed of the bunch gets it.

When I called them out to go to the library they all started saying, “Mom not yet, we need a bit more time to play.” Guess what. I said “NO”. I made them take a break and said, “Sorry, we must go”. Now I am not mean, there is a method to my madness..I want them to crave that time again the next day and literally run up the stairs to have some quiet space to themselves and pick up where they left off. In time, my prayer is that they will value this time as they are able to be still and quiet enough to hear the Holy Spirit nudging them along in this great life.

I have had other parents tell me they thought it was “strange” that I did this. Oh well wouldn’t be the first time. My kids are all together all the time practically from the day the 2nd and 3rd were born. I don’t want dysfunctional kids who don’t know who they are on their own. Oh My that is another post in and of itself.

See you all tomorrow,

To our dear sweet children~ 

You’ll get over it…. 

• When we tell you NO to things you want…..  one day you will see that you have more than you will ever need.
• When we do not allow you to have time with the TV or computer whenever you want…. there is a reason they call it a “brain drain”.
• When you ask, “Do you want me to be bored?” our answer is yes! Go read a book, draw a picture, think about something. Crying isn’t going to get you anywhere.  We don’t ride your emotional roller-coaster.  We have  a big picture in mind and we are staying the course.
• When you say incredulously again, “YOU WANT ME TO ME BORED?”  we simply say yes….. again.  Go play, read, draw, think, create!
• When we make you go outside, for some fresh air.  We have been given a beautiful gift in God’s creation….one day you will see that.

We love you with all our hearts and that is why we say NO, NO, NO.  Maybe we will start teaching it to you in several languages, so we can mix up the No saying. 

Bored is a good, good thing. Because if you sit still for a few minutes, and move past the boredom, stop fighting and crying and learn to control yourself, something new and amazing will come to you and you will be so deeply involved that you will forget that you were ever bored. 

Trust me we know this things, we know you’ll get over it and be better for it!

Our deepest love,

Your parents!

So I have been adding role playing to my training mix.  Why you ask?  Maybe it is because I want to see the kids let “no’s” roll of their backs a little more easily and respectfully. I am using some resources form www.drtodd.net In the morning,  I like to ask our children what type of behavior they think I expect of them.  I love to hear them verbalize what we expect of them.  It means they have a grasp on it and that to not get it means swift correction.

So, I have been helping them think through responses to things when I say “no” to something specific like “Mom, can I have chocolate for breakfast?. Of course the answer is “no” to which they say “OK Mom no big deal, I can have some later.”  They get a kick out of role playing something so silly.  I want them to get in the habit of taking a “no” and being flexible instead of “Ohhhhhh Mommy, PLEEEEEAAAASSSSE!” as if saying please as long and loud as you can will change my mind.   What do they think I just fell of the turnip truck yesterday?

Flexibility is the key kiddos.  Life doesn’t go your way all the time, and the sooner we are OK with that, the easier your life will be!  I know it is hard, but I promise one day you will thank me. So when I hear them use a flexible thought process at some point during the day I freak out encouraging them, hugging them, giving them “the nucks”, “atta boys” etc.  It gives me extra excuses to get those hugs, and kisses in all through out the day because well you know, ”Mamma needs herself some suga”

I just finished reading “The Duties of Parents” by J.C. Ryle.  It did a good job of reminding me of what we are doing and working towards with our children. It is always good to be reminded of the big picture to keep you consistent in the day to day discipline/training of little minds.  The one thing I have come to see, is that training is a small consistent, daily activity.  It doesn’t end, the tools just change and things become more and more refined as things move along.  Little concepts, add up over a long time to take you where you want to go.

I have been thinking about how to help all of our children understand how they are supposed to treat the opposite sex as they grow and mature and how they are to  be treated.  Last year we began working on simple modesty and privacy, Yes Mom and Yes Dad, ladies first etc..  Now we are starting to help the boys understand how to treat girls and eventually women.  I figure if they start at 6 and 3 with their sister a few things will happen.  It will become second nature and their sister will understand how she should be treated as she grows into woman hood.  We will parlay that into using “The Tale of Three Weavers” with her Daddy in a few years.

We are starting to train the boys in  opening doors for their sister and ladies and general and helping ladies to carry items.  If they see a woman(or any grown up really) carrying something they are learning to immediately stop what they are doing and help.  That is the goal anyway.  Part of it is training them to be aware of their surroundings, and what others are doing and how they may be of service to others.  Maybe I will have to remind them a thousand times a week so pray I have the strength and courage to stay consistent.

Last night Hudson and I were having a conversation after he had been disciplined by his Daddy for speaking disrespectfully.

“Hudson, you know Mommy and Daddy discipline you because we love you.”

“Yes, Mama.”

“What does Mommy and Daddy want you to grow up into?” (Typically, this is the point that Mike and I explain how we want them to grow in to men who are respectful to people and especially women, who love children and are kind and generous.  We say the same type of thing every time so I wondered if he was starting to absorb that.)

“Mama, you want me to grow to a man who opens doors for ladies”

Close Buddy!  That is a good start we can build on it!

Today we just finished As You Like It by Shakespeare.  We both agreed that we enjoyed this play more than Midsummer Night’s Dream or The Tempest.

I feel like mid way through term 2 we have all settled into a consistent rhythm and Jackson is becoming very confident.  As a Mother, it is incredibly exciting to see your child gain a confidence in something.  Short, consistent, daily lessons have given way to a joy for learning that is amazing. 

He is reciting his narrations fluidly and accurately.  Just in this last few weeks, his writing and copy work have gone from a frustrated scrawl to a beautiful script.  I gasped today when I saw his work.  I asked him twice if he had really done it because I was so shocked.  He has obviously found joy in doing his best without me nagging.  It just came out of him.  It was so much fun to witness his accomplishment and the joy in his eyes when he made the choice to do it on his own.

Today, when he had finished his narration I complemented him on how well he had done.  He said “You are doing a good job too Mama at schooling.”  I asked him what he meant and he said “I mean you are doing a good job at training me.”    Now that has to melt a Mom’s heart.

I was happy to hear that he is enjoying this process.  The reality is, I am not doing anything earth shattering.  I just stick to the readings, ask for the narrations and give consistent, short, daily lessons. No more, no less.  He is building his own connections and the joy he is finding in doing it is priceless.

Our children are all born about 18 months apart.  They have basically done everything together their whole lives including sleeping in the same room.  Big news around here….we have just made the switch.  Our daughter now has her own girly room and the boys have “the boys” room.

In my own quest for making quiet space for myself daily, I have been thinking through how they can get their own quiet space as well.  Everyday we all have a few moments to be by ourselves.  This has become especially important now that they are not napping anymore.  They can think about their day, ask God questions (especially ones that I don’t have the answers for) read, act out stories with figures quietly etc. etc.. Basically anything quietly (no noise) in a room, by themselves. 

This month I began in earnest giving them all 20 minutes a day.  We are now up to 40 minutes a day and are working towards the hour mark by the end of the year.  The boys still grumble a bit on the way up the stairs but Chloe almost runs for her alone time.   Jackson is fine once he gets going and Hudson still calls out every ten minutes or so…”Mom is the timer off yet?”

So we work our way along together, honoring our time we share together and valuing our quiet time alone.  Small simple habits add up to big changes over time.   Every month we weed one “not so helpful” habit out and add one “challenging but beneficial” habit in.  It takes, time, patience, and consistency. 

So I have done it!  I have stopped making excuses about the layout or setup of our home, or the age of our kids, or how close they are in age.  I just decided I am willing to do this hard work because in the end it is worth it.  We will all be better for it.

Lindafay has a beautiful post.  Here is a small excerpt. Please read it in its entirety for yourself.  It is Lovely! 

As soon as my children are old enough to understand whose bosom they came from and that he is calling them back to him, I begin to reason with their soul, reminding them of this great beautiful thought. “You were meant to be a prince/princess of God, He is beautiful and holy and wants you to reign with him one day. But earth is our training ground. He loves you dearly, let us not disappoint him. Let us make him proud of us.”

 You will be proud to know that I stopped riding my children’s emotional roller coaster.  I know enough not to ride any of  my peer’s emotional roller coasters but somehow the concept escaped me when it came to our kids. 

I had an epiphany 2 weeks ago and it has made all the difference. My attitudes, emotions and feelings are not dependent on or directed by their attitudes, emotions or feelings.  It is a beautiful thing!

Keep doing it.  Over and over and over and over and over…….well you get my drift.   A friend of mine who has three grown boys said, keep doing it even if you feel like you are not getting any results because some kids just take longer to “get it” than others. 

There are days, oh lets just say like today for instance that I want to smart off to my kids and say “AM I SPEAKING SPANISH?”   What about “Do not pour the soap in the bath tub to make bubbles!”  is unintelligible?  Yeah those where my famous last words. 5 minutes , 1 bottle of soap and 2 beach sized bath towels in the tub later I returned to find what looked like a local car wash.     

I didn’t smart off …. but just by the skin o fmy teeth.  Instead the “littles” as I like to call them, went to have room time, the oldest had some quiet Lego time and Mom had a breather.  I counted to 10…backwards, recited the 23rd Psalm, particularly emphasizing the “valley of the shadow of death part” out loud, brushed my self off and got back in the ring.

I will reboot our day with some nature study the afternoon at a little path near our house.  We need some wide open spaces.

It is an interesting word. Wikipedia defines Training as the acquisition of knowledge, skills, and competencies as a result of the teaching of vocational or practical skills and knowledge that relates to specific useful skills. It forms the core of apprenticeship. Isn’t that a wonderful way to think about working with your children, apprenticing them to be fully formed adults?  It keeps the big picture in view during the day to day grind.  It also helps me remember that I am to be the “master” trainer (being trained by the ultimate Master)and that I need to continue working on me as I am working with them.  I am choosing to view it as “team development”. 

We are currently “apprenticing” our children in the skilled art of eating whatever is put in front of them without “whining or complaining”.  Let me say for children 6, 4 and almost 3…..it is a skill to be learned.  It is also something I need to be intentional about by offering a wide variety of foods and at least something new each week.  I realized, when we go to Peru for a month in Feb. my kids are going to be miserable if I don’t tackle this picky issue now. We asked the children, “What happens when you are grown ups and someone invites you to their home as guests, and they present you a beautiful plate of food that you have never seen before, and you don’t know how to act or  are too scared to eat it?  Whose fault would it be?”  They thought for a moment and Jackson said “Yours?”  We were able to have a whole conversation about how we are helping them learn how to do things they don’t want to do now.  It is a core skill that will serve them well in life. 

They say it takes 28 days to form a new skill or habit.  We are one week into being very intentional about this and we are already seeing fruit.  Last night our daughter (the very picky one) ate everything on her plate without even a word.  It was even something she would of turned her nose up at even a week ago.  Baby steps will take us there.  Our dear friends who are missionaries in Peru (who now have a great blog) sent us a great recipe to help broaden our culinary horizons. This is going on the weekly menu plan for sure.  I will post it here for your sampling enjoyment as well.  I will post pictures next week. 

Papa Rellena (Stuffed Potato)Ingredients:
- 4 cups mashed potatoes
- 1 cup flour
- 1 egg
- 1 lb. hamburger
- 1 cup onion, finely chopped
- 1/4 cup raisins, plumped
- Garlic
- Salt and pepper
- 3 boiled eggs, cut lengthwise
- Black olives
- Oil

(Serves 4)

Preparation: 
Sauté the hamburger, onion, garlic, salt, pepper and raisins until cooked through.  Set aside to cool.  Mix together the potatoes, flour, and egg (Make sure that the ingredients are cool). 
Flour the palm of your hand and put in it a couple of heaping Tbsp. (or so) of the potato mixture.  Pat it flat and round, like a pancake.   Place a Tbsp. (or so) of meat mixture in the center, a piece of hard boiled egg, and a black olive and with well-floured hands, fold top of potato over to completely close it up. It will look like a giant egg.  Repeat with remaining ingredients.  Heat oil until very hot.  Flour hands and carefully lower a couple of the stuffed potatoes at a time into the very hot oil. Fry until golden brown.

 For more Child Training Tips visit Sallie’s Blog.

Always use gentle words that give life.

Try new food, we may like it.

As we move along together in shaping our family rhythm, I am finding some things that I need to emphasise.  The family rules list has been so helpful as we move through our day.  We have it framed and displayed in our kitchen at their level.  Our youngest loves to run up to it and remind his siblings of their errors throughout the day. 

I am thinking through training children and how intentional you need to be with it. I am developing another piece on it that will be up next week, but I have found 2 things that I want tweak a little on our personal family rules.  They have to do with some things that are cropping up that need to be worked on.

One is the way our children speak to each other when they are frustrated. There is way too much yelling, which of course ends up with a domino effect around here. Our oldest is VERY dramatic and we are working on training him to control his outbursts. (Gee I wonder where he gets that?) The very first verse we taught them was “Gentle words give life” in Proverbs, so it seems appropriate that we tweak the “Be Kind” to “Use Gentle words that give life.”

And two, I have not been offering enough variety in what they are eating.  I am in a cooking rut and so I am working my way out of it.  Firstly we are creating a family recipes cookbook that we work on together using picaboo. I am offering different veggies other than broccoli and raw carrots.  Our daughter has become VERY finicky and that is not very becoming in a young woman me thinks, so we will work on it now when she is a wee woman.  That is where I came up with  “Always try new food. We may like it.”

I am finding that baby steps along the way pay off big in short order. For me I am working on following through…on everything.  Like using all the food I buy at the grocery store for each meal I planned to prepare, instead of getting board with one meal left and ether buying different things or going out to eat. Not very disciplined for a middle aged woman me thinks.(Is 33 middle aged? Yikes) 

So I am going to work on that too.  It all adds up to freedom.  Freedom for me, our family, our kids.  When we can tell our bodies “no” when we really want to say “yes” we can say “yes” to hard things when we probably would of said “no”.  Sounds like a good life skill to have don’t ya think?