Building Relationships
April 3rd, 2008
I have been thinking about this a bit as I roll into my 34th birthday and reminisce about all the people over the years who have made me who I am today. As you see on my tag line, building relationships is very important for Mike and I. There are a few ways we go about this delicate task of offering a bit of our lives to people and accepting the portion of their lives they offer to us. Never taking more than they give, always offering ourselves in return. Throwing parties, having people over for dinner, inviting people in. Even blogging is a way for us to let people into our story.
For Mike and I, this is how we connect with others. We ask them about their lives and they ask us about ours. From there, you can ether go really deep or stay surface and it really depends on those conversations where relationships go. Some go deep in a short amount of time, and others, take years and years, non the less, all of them are valuable.
Even those relationships that in the beginning seem draining to you….If you just wait long enough, and continue to be available and willing to walk with people, into their story to understand why they are the way they are, you end up with a magnificent gift. It is like a secret garden of flowers that all are beautiful in their own time. They all have different roles to play, you just have to wait around long enough for them to bloom.
We’ve learned over the years that less is more in regards to “calling people” out on “issues” in their lives. We believe the Holy Spirit is big enough and alive enough to guide and direct his people, and that at the right time, He will initiate a way to talk about whatever thing there is in a way that is helpful, meaningful and transformational. Let’s just say when I was younger, I did too much “calling out” in very well meaning ways but always ended in a relational train wreck and little helpfulness to show for it. I burnt my fingers on that stove one too many times.
So, for my fast approaching 34th year, I am committing to radically accepting people where they are at, loving them in the midst of sometimes painful process, not giving them answers to questions that should only be given by God and not one persons idea of what is right, and being open to “opening my mouth” only when prompted to by the Holy Spirit and quietly praying the rest of the time. I do this with no strings attached. I offer my friendship and loyalty with the full assumption that people will hurt me, (it is unfortunate that we do that to each other) and that in the process Jesus will teach me more about myself and who I was made to be.
So people, you have full permission to hold me to it this year!
Entry Filed under: Simple Faith, Life
5 Comments
Add your own1. Vicki | April 3rd, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Amber, I don’t know how you do it, but you seem to reaffirm the things God has been working on in my heart. I know, I really do know how, but God never ceases to amaze this human brain of mine.
I had a very rough patch this last year with my family and had those flesh gratifying fantasies of calling them (everyone involved) out on the real issues at hand. I now realize that it was God keeping me away from my family and not my family staying away from me. I would have done some major damage if I had actually followed through on what I told my husband I would say. The season was tough and hurt like crazy, but I see things differently now.
Thank you for this post.
2. Amber(Homeschool Diva) | April 4th, 2008 at 8:12 am
Vicki,
I am so glad that part of my process resonates with you. I really believe our stories are so helpful to each other if we honestly and authentically share where we are at and not try to spin it any certain way.
Good for you with holding your tongue. It is a very simple, yet challenging discipline. I have had a couple of things happen in the past few months, where I could of blasted people, but instead I just didn’t respond. I just let them sit in their process and had a deep understanding that their issues where not about me. I think God showed me some ways to pray for them too. I still need to be healed from some of their words, but the damage to both of us was lessened by my zipping it. If I would of laid into them, the whole scene would replay in my mind (and theirs) over and over and those words and images would gain a deeper hold on me than profitable.
I am learning that everything is a learning experience. All truth is inspired by God and if I ask Him to show me what He wants me to have out of a certain altercation, He gives me a little gem. I like to think of it as a treasure hunt:-)
Peace to you as you dig for your piece of treasure hidden in the pain of last year!
Amber
3. lora | April 4th, 2008 at 8:37 am
This is SO Adullam and what we are all about here in GB WI. =) It really is relieving and freeing to let go of what can be confused as “accountability in love”. and then it does help us make time for that big ol’ plank in our own eye, too. =)
Great post!
4. Amber(Homeschool Diva) | April 4th, 2008 at 9:24 am
Lora - as previously stated - I KNEW we were kindred spirits:-) Peace to you and all your people up there in the great white north:-)
5. Vicki | April 4th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Thanks, Amber.
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