Heavy with tears!

March 1st, 2008

Warning you may want to skip this post! 

Well, I havn’t blogged in several days.  Our time is coming to an end here in Peru and I typically like to leave a small account of daily thoughts or experiences as a way to process what God is doing from day to day. However, the last few days, my heart has been too heavy to write. I have been unable to really process our time here. I’ve been walking around with a lump in my throat, like a good deep cry may bring some clarity.  Many questions are running through our hearts and minds.  What I do know, is that Mike and I need some answers from God. 

Thankfully, I am not my emotions and Jesus is in control and brings good out of everything.  I kept thinking, this will pass, I am over tired and too emotional.  But it isn’t passing. Have you ever been there?  Felt like you where following Jesus and then one moment you look up and you think, “Oh Man, I think I really missed it?”.  Wow that is a hard place.

I guess one of the challenges of being a disciple of Jesus is to really be in tune and listening and watching for what He is doing at all times…and not make assumptions for what you think He may be doing. Maybe I will go cry a river and wake up tomorrow and be “by still waters”.  The good thing about times like this, is that it makes you hungry for the Lord.  Just becuase things are hard doesn’t mean that God is not working and that a better place will never come.  It does…it will.  I feel the need to apologize for this post, but then again, this is my blog and my process.  I am just not going to apologize for myself anymore.

So, Today I am quitting.  I am throwing in the towel and going to go out and scream at the sky, because I know I can and that I am still loved in the midst of it.  I guess I will hire myself again tomorrow, or maybe I won’t. If we didnt’ have jobs and people who love us back home, Mike and I may just keep on travelling, looking, asking, knocking. 

Anyone want to knock with me?  Better yet, anyone want to knock for me, becuase today I can’t even knock.

Entry Filed under: Life, blogging